so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish you could order shots online.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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