He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The adults are the big ones right?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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