I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
