I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
