there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
