i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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