Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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