I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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