Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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