Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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