I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
