these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
