I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
