I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
