my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
