She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Randomize
