When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
