its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
