Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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