I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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