it wasn't lemon gatorade
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
