what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
birth control should be required to get into college
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
