I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
