Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
