I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
