and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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