We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
