I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
