Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
