Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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