Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
