he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
