and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
