I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
