thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
