you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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