i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
