For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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