dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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