do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
