So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
organizing the empties. That sober.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
