we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
