woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
