Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
