I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
