guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
