Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
