Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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