I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm passing your future prison.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
