Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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