just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
