just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
