took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
