ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
