I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
