Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
